Children grow fast - we all know that. And sometimes they grow up not into those people whom we wanted them to be...If you face being rejected by your own adult children, it can be a very challenging time in life. While you don't need your adult children's acceptance, it's not a pleasant thing to be on the receiving end of their rejection. Finding a way through this difficult time is important for maintaining your own sense of self worth and for reassuring yourself that you are still a good parent, and that this is a rough patch that will hopefully ride out in time. So what should you do then?
Review how you taught your children in their youth. This can help you to recognize their own feelings and how to share them appropriately with others.Review how you taught your children to be honest about their feelings and what it means to be in denial of their true feelings.Review how you modified these teachings as your children grew through to adulthood.Review your expressions of acceptance or rejection of your children's personal changes as they reached adulthood.Review how, when, and what caused you and your adult children's open honest communications to break down. If you can't identify these, did you ask your adult children to share their thoughts of what happened?
Investigate the causes that may have contributed to your current situation that you should consider:Have you considered that the ways in which you taught your young children to recognize and share their feelings may be a product of your current situation? If you taught them to "keep quiet" and not share or admit their feelings to others this may have caused a "brick wall" that will limit their ability to open up to you and others.Do you remember a time in your life that you obviously "hid" your true feelings about situations, hence, inadvertently teaching your children that its o.k. to deny your feelings if it causes dissension in the family environment?
Call all family members involved in this breakdown for a "Teepee" meeting. During this meeting have a large bowl and paper with pencils available.Have each individual write down five major elements they believe caused this breakdown. Mix all of these up in the large bowl and take turns pulling one out at a time and have each person who wishes to comment, raise their hand and take turns until it is no longer debatable and hopefully new ideas have arose to aid in resolving that circumstance.Make agreements on future communications. Each person agrees from this day forward to confront each future problem directly with the person or persons it affects and to agree to not drag others into it if it does not involve them. Each person agrees to be honest about their feelings and help guide each other in being polite and accepting whether there is complete agreement.
Agree to disagree if a resolve can not be reached. Learn that peace if far better than war even if it means the problem must be "shelved" for the present time as well as "keeping a distance" from each other is o.k. as long as it isn't the only answer to keep the peace.Those who show respect usually get respect. When this is exercised in any relationship it helps to maintain peace and stability and gives hope for building a more positive relationship. If respect is shown but not reciprocated, it may be best to keep a distance until this can be accomplished if ever. Unfortunately, sometimes you can do all that you can and others refuse to. When this happens a permanent break in that relationship may be the best resolve reached for all involved.
Don’t pretend you’re not hurting.Fearing judgment, you may be embarrassed to share your painful truth. And you may be right to hold back with people at work, or certain friends you feel won’t understand or will judge you. It’s helpful to reach out to a trusted, empathetic friend or two, but whether you can or can’t confide in others, don’t deny your feelings exist. Accept your emotions as normal in the situation. I hope that such thing will not happen to none of us ever! Because it really hurts! I hope that everything will be just ok and fine for all the familys who adopted a child!
Listen to your thoughts. Do you catch yourself saying aloud or thinking, “I’ll never get over this..” Are you continually asking questions, such as, “Why do these sorts of things always happen to me?” Called “ruminating,” this sort of negative thinking spurs more negative thought, perhaps even calling to mind the other things that “always happen.” Clinical studies have linked ruminating to high blood pressure and to unhealthy behaviors such as binge drinking and overeating, so steer clear.How do you avoid ruminating? Turn your statements and questions around with positive thoughts. I am moving past this. Good things happen in my life. This suggestion may sound trite, but if negative thoughts can produce more negative thoughts, positive thoughts can be as fruitful.onse that isn’t good for you.
Take time out each day to consider the positive situations and good people in your life. A journal of good thoughts written down at the end of each day is a healthy habit, and a formal record is fun to re-read later. However, a more casual approach can be effective.Keeping a positive focus after an adult child’s rejection.Instead of joining everyone in the lunch break room each day, take a short stroll outdoors instead, or perhaps before you join the others. The benefits of nature to the psyche are well-documented. Be sure to experience your surroundings to the fullest, by taking notice. The dappled sunlight beneath this tree is pretty. The breeze feels good as it goes through my hair.
Accepting the reality of an adult child’s abandonment, and your helplessness to change it, may feel like letting go of hope. Reconciliation may eventually take place, but in the present, accepting what’s happened allows you to make the most of your life now.Most of us have had to accept other disappointing realities during our lives: a loved one’s death, the inability to finish college due to other responsibilities, or an unrealized professional goal. We all have disappointments, but the vast majority of us accept reality and move forward, perhaps in more fulfilling directions. Even after an adult child’s rejection, you have the right to enjoy your life. Dwelling on the past or struggling with pursuits that, at least for the moment, are futile, rob you of precious time.
Parents should be wiser than their children to behave themselves in a proper way in any difficulties that occur in our life and relationships so often. No doubts, it hurts to be rejected by your own children, but it is natural process of growing up. Psychologists call this period separation time. Parents should understand that time is needed to overcome these temporary problems. Also we should accept that children in this situation need our understanding and support. This time is hard for them as well. We have to remember us in this age, how our parents behaved, how we wanted they behaved. We should give proper pattern of family support in difficult situations, whet it is so necessary.
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