Score two - zero : a hard question

Ben_Roar
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Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:48 pm

Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Ben_Roar » Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:29 pm

It is funny, that I am writing this in the section for the Future dads - even though I am a dad for already three years.. God helps me to become a dad twice, though - that is why i am here. Sorry for such tricky pre-word) I have a question to those of you who did encounter difficulties in the choice between the surrogacy and the adoption. Though my problem is of a special kind. We are married for five years already with my husband. Four years ago , when we decided that we want to have the kid - it turned out to be that my husband was sterile - and that was a hard strike for him. We did manage to overcome that, and continued our surrogacy program in several months, after all the comforting and discussions. He accepted his inability to be the biological father, as it is - and we never returned to that question again. Our daughter does not make any distinction between us - and we are a strong and solid family. Though the thing is that we want to have another kid. I do want that -and Mike says that he does want that as well. But I am not sure about him in this way. We do have two ways here. i am calling to Biodads - where we did have our Susan three years ago - and i am becoming the biological dad for our second child. Or - we can adopt the kid. Mike says that he will be fine with both variants... Though I think I can feel that it is all not that simple as it may seem to be. How do you think, if you are looking on this situation from aside. Would it make him feel worse, fell more .. imperfect (I do not want to use the word defective in this case) - if I will be a dad twice? Maybe adoption is a better option in this case?

DANIEL
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Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby DANIEL » Thu Oct 20, 2016 6:55 pm

I don't think that adoption would be better in your situation... Yes, this is sad that your husband is sterile, but you are not, and this is a real happiness. As for me, if I was your partner, for me was the most important child, his/her health and your happiness. I dont mind who will be biological father in my family, and won't be sad if I will have such situation, really, because the purpose - to have full family, and you got your dream, and have a great possibility to do it again! :D So think about it. Maybe you are making disaster without the facts?

Paul_O
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Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 7:39 pm

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Paul_O » Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:59 pm

Ben, I am agree with Daniel's last phrase.. maybe there is actually nothing to make the fuss about? I do know mike - and he never made the impression of the person who is going to hide such things behind the smile and appearance of a total agreement. You remember that time when you two were arguing about the child room for Susan? You know how persistent he is when there is something he does not like. So trust him this time as well - if he does say it is ok - then it really is. He is not a fool - and able for the self analysis. He would not allow a weakness to make the basement for the future disaster in your family.

DANIEL
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Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby DANIEL » Sat Oct 22, 2016 12:11 am

Guys, as I see - you know each other in real life? Or you met each other here long ago?
So ben, what is your decision? Did you talk with your Mike again conccerning this topic? And also want to ask - what your relatives think about your idea - to have another child? What do they think about the surrogacy and adoption?

Jeff
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 11:31 am

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Jeff » Sat Oct 22, 2016 10:44 am

Hello, guys! :)
Let me tell you my opinion. As for me both variants are good, I know one couple who adopted a kid few years ago , as they both are sterile. They are happy and now have no regrets. Your situation is much easier as you have a choose at least. Just share your worries with your partner and accept his decision.

Ben_Roar
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Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:48 pm

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Ben_Roar » Sun Oct 23, 2016 12:12 pm

There is another thing that does concern me, in regards of adoption. Say, we are going to adopt the child, of approximately the same age as our Susan. How are they going to deal with each other - I mean - my daughter - and the kid we are going to adopt? Will they do fine? Will Susan accept this kid? i never had this kind of experience in my life.. Besides- there is one thing that I am ashamed to confess about , but i have to. I am not sure that i am going to love the kid that i am going to adopt the same as I would love the one who would be genetically related to me. How can I make the adoption, not being sure about this?

Andreas_Maroon
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Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2016 8:41 am
Location: Rome, Italy

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:46 pm

Ben - the second problem that you described here is a bigger one. Ben - i remember you two were considering about adopting the kid few months ago - and I do not recall you having that kind of thoughts back then. You sounded really confident in your decision - and you almost did that actually. I do not really understand the reason of such a drastic change of opinion. Any way - I can tell you as the person who did work in the orphanage. If you're not sure you're going to love it as your own - you need to come to the orphanage - and to test your feelings.. To get closer with the kid you're going to like - and to see what are you are going to feel. then you are going to get the answer to your question abut "What if.."

DANIEL
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Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby DANIEL » Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:08 pm

I agree with Andreas, that you have to have some contact with the chosen child, if it is possible of couse, because not everywhere it is allowed for not to make some harm for the child, because after several visits he/she may get used to you already, and you may change your mind. I don't think that there will be some difficulties among girls, because it is better to do when they are small, and i think that your daughterwill be really very happy, because now she will have someone to play with and to share all dolls))) AHAHA. I think that when you will see such lovely picture, day after day - you will forget soon about the fact that you adopted her...

Ben_Roar
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:48 pm

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby Ben_Roar » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:13 pm

Thanks guys - I think you are right about the kids in the orphanages.. .I suppose that I simply need to go there - and to figure out what is the standard procedure for the acquaintance if the potential parent and the kid. I suppose it is just the way you described here. In any case - the problem is solved more or less - and I think that I do already have the answers that I need. It would be interesting to know experience of people who do have the adopted kids in addition to their own ones. Basically - my first problem is solved for now.. And the second one - i need to look into it more deeply. I do not want our family to be split in two parts.

DANIEL
Posts: 709
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Score two - zero : a hard question

Postby DANIEL » Wed Oct 26, 2016 12:19 pm

Ben - I don't think that it would be like that if you will be like one unite team (in the situation if you will choose the adoption). Discard negative thoughts dude!!! I heard here several stories already with the same problems, the guys were afraid to loose everything and to discuss this problem, but finally they did it, they got approval, were happy) So wish you luck) ;)


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