Eddie - so how do you think - what is the right way to balance between that ... indulgence to the child's whims - and making the kid to understand that there are other people around him as well ?i mean - it is not possible just to deprive him of all the things that he does want.. I do not know - perhaps that was a silly question - and i am sure that the things here are much more easy than it does seem to me. .i think that when I am going to become a parent - I am going to understand everything) Ed - I did forget - excuse me for that - do you have the kids already - you are speaking basing on your own experience here?:)
Vegas, I want to answer from my own experience. For me, an obedient child is a child who is weak-willed, lack of initiative, devoid of natural spontaneity and immediacy. Such children, getting out of the control of the parent, easily fall under the influence of anyone. Yes, an active willful child is a test for parents, but with an understanding of the individual characteristics and needs of such a child, they can and should be learned to manage. I know children willing to cooperate, respecting the authority of adults, who are able to make a compromise decision and these qualities have been really introduced since childhood. And along with this, the child is left with the right not to want something, to not do something, to forget, to get tired, etc. You sometimes allow yourself this.
Vegas, I think that if you want your child to understand that there are other peole around him, and that he must not be so selfish all the time, you have to show that on your own experience for example, to explain that all the time, to show that this is not so pleasant for other people, and that someone can behave the same way with him...
Adam - well it is rather difficult to find the right balance here - the child that does not have its own will - and the child who does have too much of it.. you are right - that in the first case that person does get under all the influences from outside - and that is not good for this person - for it's future.. Though on the other hand - if the kid does not listen to any advises at all - that might lead to making the mistakes he could have avoid.. Though honestly - i do prefer the second type.. Because usually that mistake that I mentioned - it is making this person to listen more carefully to the things they are being advised.
Miles I think it is a good thing to use not the intimidation and compel in order to make the kid obey.. But rather to explain the kid - why do you want him to act this way and not another one - that is a really good ting for the future development of the kid - and, besides - that is a good thing for you as well, since you do start to understand yourself better.. You start to think about why do you want the kid to behave one way - and not the other one. Because it does happen often that when we are raising the kid - we are more concentrated more on ourselves - not on the better good for the kid.
A capricious child is not a sign of insanity or mental abnormalities. If you try hard, you can get the child to obey and stop whims. Here are my friends who, in principle, are to blame for the vagaries of the child because before they did not pay attention to them, now they constantly beat the child and shout at him. But only this as for me does not help, but only aggravates the situation. Do not try to stop punishing whims. Using threats and beatings, you can make the baby silent, but this is a direct violation of the psyche and the generation of excessive hatred and anger towards the parents. Do not give in to attempts of children to receive something by means of hysterics. Having received the desired one this way, the baby will use the method of capriciousness constantly. Never impose your own opinion on crumbs and do not force certain actions - this will cause a more violent protest. In families where relatives respect each other, and parents pay enough attention to children, the child leads an adequate and quiet lifestyle. And still I want to say that there is nothing like this - I repeat, absolutely nothing - that it would be equal in power to the attention of the parents. With the help of attention alone one can explain and solve many problems.
that does hugely depend on the kind of the attention - and on what kind of the parents do the kid have, I suppose.. There are parent who do love their kids so much that they are remaining consciously ignorant to the fact that their kid is becoming a small monster.. you know - that blind type of love - that is mostly typical for the mothers. We do have a friend - she is a single mother - who does have that kind of a drawback.. Her daughter is becoming a real bitch - meanwhile mother does not want to see that. We did tell her about this - but she does not want to listen.. She did loose one child many years ago - that much have been hit her harder than it does seem to be.
This behavior of the child, Kevin, is often associated with what is called attention deficit disorder. This problem is eliminated with the help of drugs, but also measures can be taken on their own. My cousin's husband has a child with this diagnosis, although earlier all was written off for the child's bad behavior and his bad behavior. To be honest, when parents have children with such a problem it is really difficult!
Miles, if to talk about the first variant, so that would be too weak person, in the seond variant, the person whom it would be impossible to stop and to make you to listen. I don't like both these variants, and prefer the golden middle, how do you think, if it is possible to change such people???
Daniel - I do believe that it is almost impossible to change people after some age - this age does vary, I believe.. Though the thing is that when the person did become someone already - when it did take a certain shape - it is going to self destruct rather than become something else.. It is the same as with the mortar - when it is being used to make the pots and china.. when it is wet - you can shape it in any way you want.. but when it was in the stove already - then you can only break it.. It is pretty much the same with people.. We do loose that plastics, we are not flexible - as we are becoming older.. that is usually so.
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