I think you will have no problems to bond with a child. It seems that you understand all children’s needs. In this way your child will be happy to have you as a dad. I hope my child will also be happy to be a part of our family. I will make all possible and impossible to make the life of my child full of love , support and care.
Unfortunately, adoption process was not so successful for me, so now I don’t know how to behave with an adopted child. I would be so glad to share with you my experience and to give you a piece of advice. But I cannot do it, while I don’t have such. So I hope you will find a right way to bond with your adopted child. And I will continue looking for the right way to become a father.
Does anyone here know about the experience of adoption in more older age? About 7 years, for example? I have a guy who considers abut that option - but he is too shy to ask about that on the forums. I am completely agree that the early age is preferable - cause the kid will take all the changes in his life more easy - and will be bounded to you more strongly. But if he grows up without parents - in what age you think his mind and personality will reject the very idea of having some special adults that love him and care about him? When the kid is about 7 - 10 years - it is like crossroads, as I see it... On the one hand - it still needs the parental love - on the other - he already is using to get around without it.
You have just written everything what is needed. I don’t know what else I can add. The most important thing to bond with an adopted child is love an acceptance. You should accept her as she is, because you don’t know her biological parents and maybe their genes play a big role in her behavior. I n case you adopt not a baby, but older child you should also keep in mind that child’s surrounding left a great influence on her.
Kids feel and understand much more then adults think. And they really know who really cares for them and loves them. To love and to care - that is the universal language - and that is what child really needs to get from you. That is the price, that "buys" its devotion in older age - and the coin that you pay for the child's trust. Of course - there are such things in raising the kid as reprimanding, some hard lessons - but when the goal of them is for the kid to be safe and comfortable, when all the decisions you make are based on your love to the kid - then the kid will fell that - and love you even more. Just remember why you do all the things that you do - and all will be fine in your relations!
being in your shoes i would not differentiate the adopted child or your own. it is your child and you would not even think that he is adopted. i think that it depends on the age of your child. if you adopt a toddler then you may not worry about it, it would be as difficult as with your own child. but if you adopt a teenager then it would be really very difficult for you and for the child. try to be yourself, do not show that you are strict or lenient if you are not. just behave as normal father should behave with his child.
I am a father of a little baby. My son is 6 months now. I think you have a really right understanding of family. Family is the place where you feel love and support. Your family are the people who cares about each other and accept each other as they are. Child should feel that his parents are the closest people to him and he can rely on them in any situation.
It is kind of hard question for me, because I am not going to adopt a child. I think that surrogacy program is a much better way. I think that it is important to be with my baby from the first days of his life. It will definitely help to bond with the child. I am not a father now, so my advice is not so useful in this case. I hope that you will have really good relationships with your child.
Oh, bonding with your adopted child can be easier than you think! Of course age and circumstances are import, but you should know one more important thing: everyone in this world wants to be loved and an adopted child as well! This understanding will help you to bond. So, I'll repeat one more time, but love is the most important thing! Also you can find some activities which you like both or you can start new hobby together! Don't forget that in situations with adopted children personal space is very important! Also don't day any rude words about his biological parents, it can really hurt even if they left his baby. Don't be in hurry; wait a bit, time can heal all the wounds!
If you are adopting a baby - you will never experience any problems with baby's acceptance. It dies not feel the difference between different people - only concern is if that person brings the kid comfort - or discomfort. And the new smell, new hands that hold the baby - it will all be taken for granted very fast. If you adopt a kid in an older age - that is much more difficult already. The child already has the memories, some good and bad experiences - and most of all - it does have its opinion , if it should trust new people - or no. That is why it is really difficult to find the common language with the kids, who were raised in families where the violence was practised.
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