You wrote in the first post that you want the surrogate mother to be intelligent and pretty.. Dude, you either made a mistake, or you do not really understand how does the surrogacy work) The times of the traditional surrogacy are almost completely passed away. that means that your surrogate mother does not give her genetic material to the future baby, she only carries it for 9 months, but the egg is taken from the completely different person, and you do have the right to choose, whom this person will be, as I know. Well, how else can it be, actually) So you will have the chance to get the best mother for your kid) It is good that this thing is done this way now.
Paul_O wrote: Dude, you either made a mistake, or you do not really understand how does the surrogacy work)
that might have been a mistake. there was lot of info about different kinds of surrogacy here on the forum. I doubt there are people here who do not know the difference. Anyway, I read an article about the laws in Europe that control the surrogacy, and I came to a disappointing conclusion, that for a gay family it is harder to get a kid, then I thought. Many countries in Europe simply ban the very possibility of surrogacy. That means that you need to read carefully the contract you are making with the agency, and to question them more eagerly about their ways of dealing with the laws. And you need to consult at least with several lawyers.
Speaking about this "mistake". this is not a proven scientific fact yet, but some scientists do say that even if the mother is surrogate, her organism has a huge influence on the baby that she is carrying in her belly. Think about that. Nine months, and all the most subtle processes of the tissue growth, of the very forming of the organism, all does take place inside of her. I wonder if the surrogate mother has paragraphs in he contract, that are forbidding her to smoke , drink and use drugs during her gestation. Besides, I hope that the agencies do really good medical check before starting to work with their surrogate mothers. I will ask about that before starting the program.
I do not believe that. I think that the organism of surrogate mother might have some permanent influence on the child, but it is limited only with the question of the nutrition and healthy way of life during the gestation. There is a similar opinion about the dogs, pardon me for such a comparison. If the female was matted before, and then she is being pregnant from another male, it was common to believe that the puppies will carry some of the genes of the previous matting partner. Something called "the uterus memory". that was proven too be complete nonsense. It is the same in regards of human beings, of course. the surrogate mother is not more the a vial.
Ben_Roar wrote:Something called "the uterus memory"
My parents were breeding dogs, and I know what you are speaking about) It is not rude to make the comparison. Say, did you know that we have 98% similar physiology with pigs?:) Does that sound abusive and rude? For pigs - perhaps)... I do not think as well that the surrogate mother does have any influence on the fetus... It all depends on her diet and the way of life. I asked the agency about the gestation period. It is in the contract with the surrogate mother, that it's forbidden to her to use the drugs, alcohol or cigarettes during the gestation. the diet is prescribed by the agency as well in most of the cases. That makes us all feel more safe, and be sure she will not do any harm to the future baby.
And this is very example how it is important to trust each other and to discuss any problems if you have them. I congratulate you. I understand how happy you are, as you are going to have child. Personally I do not have any experience in such question, as my husband and I have adopted a child. I think you have to find a right agency first. and then everything will be okey.
It's really a very nice story! Only imagine if you didn't say about your wishes to your partner what would happen!? And this is the proof that we should always be honest with our partners. As for surrogacy motherhood first of all I should say that you mustn't hesitate as it is a rather good way to have children. By the way, have you tried to apply to any agency as your post was written some time ago? If not, I can advise you a very nice agency "BioDads". I want to make you sure that people who work there are real professionals and I think you won't be able to find better people who can help you to have a baby. Really, I advise you to ask for help this agency!
Damien wrote: I can advise you a very nice agency "BioDads".
There are many good feedbacks about this particular agency. I think it will be the one i am going to go to when I will decide to have the kid. And that is going to happen not earlier then I will have a fiancé) You can ask yourself a questions "What is this guy doing here at all, if he is single and doesn't want to have the child in the closest future?" Well, I do want to. but what I do not ant to do - is to be a single father. I know that I am not ,going to make it, both physically and emotionally. So I am just waiting for the right person in my life. Are there any single fathers in this topic? Maybe you can give me some advices on this matter?)
Guys, you can congratulate me and my fiancé! We applied for the adoption program at Biodads! We were afraid, we were uncertain, we did not know what agency to use - but in the ends we made this step. And now we can laugh at our own fears) I do know that the hardest part is still ahead - but at least now we see that it is easier actually to walk the road, then to think if it is worth of it and hesitate) That is my advice to all you guys, who are still "uncertain". Do the first step - and if you really want this - you will go all the way. There is no point to fear. Besides, if you are in the hands of such an agency as this one - they made a really good impression on me.
I read some articles on the Net - and it turned out to be that it is true - the surrogate mother does not influence on the genetics of the child. So you can relax) I mean the guy who posted this) there was only one thing that I disliked in the surrogacy policies.. That I cannot choose the egg donor. I mean.. what if I would know, what character and outlook does this woman have, what if I would dislike some of those traits. I wonder - how does the agency choose the women for the egg donors. What conditions must they meet to pass? i am sure they do check them for all kind of the genetic diseases, but that is not enough for me, I think.
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