Do I have it?

kevin37
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:18 pm

Do I have it?

Postby kevin37 » Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:29 pm

Hi guys!!! My name is Kevin and I am really glad that I have found this nice place to chat and find an appropriate help in the case of need. You know I and my partner are together for 10 years already. We have everything to be happy/ our family is full and we have nice baby girl who is one year old already. My partner is a biological father of the child (we went through the surrogacy program). When we should decide who will be the biological father I didn’t mind to give this right to my partner…and I didn’t care about this then…now I see how my partner is happy even from the thought that he has a daughter who is connected with him on the genetic level. I see every day how she becomes look like he…not me…and it seems to me that they are closer that I and my girl… I think that I also want to feel this genetic connection…but we agreed that we will have only one baby…surrogacy is rather expensive and having children is also not so cheap…but I want to try… when we went through the surrogacy program he didn’t count money because he was biological father and now I want this role..how do you think? Do I have right to speak about this to my partner? If yes….how should I start?

Pete28
Posts: 868
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:38 am

Re: Do I have it?

Postby Pete28 » Thu Oct 13, 2016 2:12 pm

Hi Kevin! Glad for you and for your child) This is real amazing feeling, when your family is complete, and when you have such a small creature) I understand you completely, but do you understand such responsibility? You will have to have everything in twice - more time, more money, more other things...Do you have a good material position? Anyway, you agreed at first with the decision of your partner, and now you change the rules...

kevin37
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:18 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby kevin37 » Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:44 am

Don’t you think that I also have the same right as my partner? Maybe when I agreed with him I wasn’t ready for parenthood. I mean blood parenthood…to tell the truth I have never took our child as my own baby. Maybe I am not right in this case but as it turned out blood ties are important for me. I think we can afford ourselves the second child. We can earn money for the program if we wish it. We can leave in a more economic way. And the second child can have the things of the first child. The second child is easier to bring up I think….or am I wrong?

Pete28
Posts: 868
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:38 am

Re: Do I have it?

Postby Pete28 » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:28 pm

Yes, you are right, completely, that to have the second child - is easier financially and physically, because you know already what and how to do, and if blood ties are so important for you - so do it. Just explain your partner - that you have only one life, and that you have to try and to realise all desires. When you will be old, and tired because of everything, you may be sorry if you wont realise it... ;)

V_Vegas
Posts: 607
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:20 am

Re: Do I have it?

Postby V_Vegas » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:44 pm

Hello Kevin! I do think that you have the complete right to speak about this... And since your husband is the biological father already - he can not deny you that. There is another question - if you have the real possibility to maintain two kids at once? that is a rather big question. I can perfectly understand your wish - and your feeling of being right in this case. but think about the future of your whole family. Will you be able to maintain two kids - especially after the second surrogacy program, which is, as you correctly pointed out, is really expensive? Maybe it is not the right time now? You need to speak about that with your partner. And he must listen to you really carefully.

kevin37
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:18 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby kevin37 » Wed Oct 19, 2016 1:15 pm

If I am thinking about the program right now it doesn’t mean that tomorrow we will fly to the agency and sign the contract for the second surrogacy program… we have spoken about this once but I decided to say that I was just kidding because I didn’t want to argue with my beloved man… but I really want to feel what he feels with our kid…I don’t feel that it is my child too…. I think we can afford the second child… the problem is in the price of the program….maybe we have the right for some discount…for the second program???? How do you think?

Ben_Roar
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:48 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby Ben_Roar » Wed Oct 19, 2016 9:54 pm

First of all , my friend - you need to discus this matter with your partner seriously. the question of money is easier to solve - even if that takes some time. But the main question is the peace and the balance in your family. You need to explain your partner what really bothers you. As I understand - you do feel a kind of the jealousy to your kid and your husband - and that is terrible in my opinion. but think it over again - is there really point to feel that way? Are you really being deprived of the love and attention - or that is only in your mind? When you will be able to give the answer to yourself on that question - you are going to be able to make the conclusions.

kevin37
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:18 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby kevin37 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 1:22 pm

Yes, you are right! I can be completely sure that I am envy…I also want to have that connection as they do have. To tell the truth I think that there should be at least two children in the family, especially in the family with two dads. Each of dads wants to have a child…biological one and I think that in the case when only one of them has this right there will never be the balance and health atmosphere in the family. Of course there can be an exception( it can be the health condition of one of the partner or maybe something else) but….I think our family is not that one… :? :? :oops:

Paul_O
Posts: 490
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 7:39 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby Paul_O » Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:40 pm

Kevin - i do not think there can be some objective decision here.. All I can say is that I am on your side - and I think that your partner must respect your wish to be the biological father.. He had no right to deny you in the thing that you did allowed him in your time, stepped back in order to give him that happiness. How can the person who does love you deprive you of that possibility? So how is the progress on your situation there? Did you have the talk? What did he say? I would really like to stay informed about the progress on your situation there.. even though I am sure I will not get into a similar one)

kevin37
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2016 1:18 pm

Re: Do I have it?

Postby kevin37 » Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:52 pm

If I were you I will not be so sure. You never know in what situation you will get once. Many people say this phrase and then regret because they get into similar situation. I wish you will never have the same situation but who knows? Thank you for your support. I also think that we should have this talk and I have the same rights as he has. We didn’t have a talk and I think that at these weekends I should take all my courage and talk with him on this topic. I will write about my progress. Hope everything will be fine….I hope so… :? :|


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