Previous experience

Gregory
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2016 6:07 pm

Previous experience

Postby Gregory » Wed Oct 26, 2016 6:19 pm

I always smile looking at people who are just walking in the park with their children. I see how happy they are and really I wish to be happy myself. I should say that for a long time I didn’t have that happiness. The thing is that long time ago I had serious relations with one gay and we both wanted to have children but when the time to go to the agency which proposed us to use their surrogacy program came I got to know that my partner betrayed me. He was dating with another guy before my back. And moreover I’ve got to know that they already entered this very program and in six months they were going to have a baby. It was really hard for me and I understood that I can’t trust people. That’s why for a long time I didn’t have and feel happiness inside. But three years ago I’ve met one guy who now is my partner. I should say that I trust him and now we are in the similar situation as I described: we’re going to have a baby with the help of the surrogacy program. But I have some doubts which are mainly based on my previous experience. Moreover, we haven’t chosen the agency yet. So, guys, be honest what should I do in this situation?

DANIEL
Posts: 709
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby DANIEL » Fri Oct 28, 2016 9:54 am

Hi Gregory :D ! How are you dude :D ? Very sad story, beginnig I mean... I can say that practically every guy here was betrayed, so we can understand you and share your pain :? At first I want to ask - where are you living? If you want us to advice you some agencies, we have to know the place... Concerning your past relations, did you discuss your past with your boyfriend? If yes, what did he say? He needs to know everything, and you have to talk with him about your fear. It is normal to be scared after such situation, and he has to support and understand you. Do not judge everyone as all the same, it is not right. Yu have to learn to believe again dude.

V_Vegas
Posts: 607
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:20 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby V_Vegas » Sat Oct 29, 2016 3:29 pm

Dude - you are afraid that the situation from your part is going to repeat once again? You are not alone with that kind of fear - there are basically lot of people on this forum, who did create similar topics. And in each case all the same advices were given - let it go.. What else can you do ?You are still young - and the life is ahead of you.. Do not waste the time for the mourning about your past - there is no point in that! You need to learn the lessons from your past - and drop all the emotional load that you had, instead of carrying it with you. If you are not going to do that - it is going to poison your existence, and the existence of the people who surround you.

JamesO
Posts: 94
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2016 6:05 pm

Re: Previous experience

Postby JamesO » Sat Oct 29, 2016 8:59 pm

Gregory, your story is really a sad one! But you know I want to support Vegas and Daniel. You know past it is the past. I mean it will never come back but it can leave in your head and prevents you from being happy! So, everything is right in your hands. If you want to live in you past but not in your present, then you'll always have doubts. But if you want to be happy, you should let it go. And I also agree that you should share your worried and doubts with your partner. He is your second half and he has the right to know it! Of course, it is difficult to trust people, but without trust it is impossible to live happily. Sometimes trust even more important than love!

Miles
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:33 pm

Re: Previous experience

Postby Miles » Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:19 pm

Hello Gregory! This is a very old and very wide spread kind of situation, you know. when something bad happened in your past - and now a burned child dreads the fire. there is no one to convince you here that you are right or you are wrong ion your decision to hesitate. Noone can give you the guarantee that these relations that you are about to start are going to work better than the previous ones. there is no other option for you, but to take chance, to start all over again .It is better to get burned once again, as for me, then to live all your life, thinking "what if.." . all our life is about taking the chances)

DANIEL
Posts: 709
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby DANIEL » Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:19 am

Gregory, I want to support you and to tell the story from my past. So the thing is I was with some guy nearly three years together, and we had practically everything. I was waiting for him when he was studying, so as you understand - it was relations on distance, then, when he came, we practically lived together, so I had some plans fro future, I wanted to create a family with him, to have a child, to rent home. I had good relations with his parents, and we liked each other, and after some time he just changed. We had a lot of quarrels, and finally - broke up. And you know what were his last words - I NEVER LIKED YOU. Can you imagine this? I spent practically several years for such relations... with a person who didn't like me and love. So I was afraid after, as you know, and you know - I found a wonderful guy in the internet, thanks to my sister, and we are happy now, and I KNOW that he is my fate, I know that I want to spend the whole life with him, and soon we will be parents. So - we all had bad relations, we all have bad memories, but we all have to look ahead)))

Miles
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:33 pm

Re: Previous experience

Postby Miles » Mon Oct 31, 2016 4:46 pm

Daniel - that is a pretty bizarre story you told here.. What would be the reason for that person to be with you for that long time - if he did not even like you? I do not really get the point) I think those words were rather an outburst of the bitterness he had on the inside, than something that would make sense. In any case - the main thing here is that you did move one. And that is good. As for me - my relations, all of them that I had during my life - did not include that kind of the situation. i mean the situations that do leave such a powerful imprint on your consciousness, that you would not want to have any other relations afterwards.

Pete28
Posts: 868
Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:38 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby Pete28 » Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:19 pm

Hello Gregory!
In this situation I agree with Vegas, and I see that we have the same thoughts concerning this situation... Gregory - we all made some mistakes, and sometimes it is difficult to forget and let go our past for all of us, but we HAVE TO DO THIS, because really, it will be a serious problem for you, and you will never be happy, if you always will be afraid to move on, to try, to risk... So dude, listen to those, who already had such problems, and who already - father)

DANIEL
Posts: 709
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby DANIEL » Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:26 pm

Miles, because it was convenient for him, that's why we were several years together. He lived with parents, they did everything for him, and when he met me - I also did the same - came to him, bought everything, didn't quarrel because of his computer games, and that was all because I loved him, and he just used me, And if to repeat his words - he told "I hate your figure and don't like to have sex with you". I can say that it was difficult for me to trust someone after such words, and even to have sex...

V_Vegas
Posts: 607
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:20 am

Re: Previous experience

Postby V_Vegas » Tue Nov 01, 2016 6:05 pm

Daniel, so this guy did not like your figure, did not like sex with you, he was supplied fully with his parents - and he needed you only because you "came to him, bought everything, didn't quarrel because of his computer games".. Hmmm. people do have pretty peculiar characters sometimes!) As for the previous experiences, all my ex boyfriends never remained in my memory as the tombstones on the graveyard, haunted by the ghosts.. I did have pretty hard breakups, but when I remember all my previous experiences - I always do recall them with the feeling of nostalgia, rather than any bitterness.


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