The opening of the American psychologist Charles the Reason of Emory University believes the chief of human behavior. People who are in constant contact with relatives and friends, lead an active social life, have warm, open relationships, less sick and live longer. John Katsioppo believes that this is partly due to the fact that single people are less careful of themselves, but there are also direct physiological mechanisms associated with the effects of stress, although not identical to them.
Even though most of us live in the midst of many other people, we often feel a sense of loneliness that deprives us of the joy of life. Loneliness corrodes our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into a complete torment. Many of you will probably agree with me that loneliness is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, there are so many people around us that it would seem that there can be no talk of any loneliness and it is however there and we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness so painful for us?
Loneliness is a special emotional state of a person in which he feels his uselessness and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses his self-feeling due to the lack of contact with other people, he falls into a void in which he, as a person, does not exist. This emotional state occurs when a person does not receive full attention from other people, when he does not feel positive emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing it. At the same time, there may be many people around him and they can even communicate with him.
It's all about the form of this communication – a person can simply not listen, not hear and not understand. Often, communicating with people, we feel that they simply do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel alone. It turns out that the communication with people we like and happens, but it resembles communication with the wall, which is of little use. So it is not necessary to live on a desert island and be isolated from society, to feel alone, and can be surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but really be a lonely person-if everyone does not care about you
But why do we care about those who don't care about us? And because we are social beings, we all depend on each other, because we are parts of a single whole, not to mention the fact that each of us needs a partner for a full life. This is what nature intended, so that man would seek to continue his family and support life on earth and to take care not only of himself but also of the people around him, because it increases his survival. Together, people are capable of much, they were able to build a civilization and together can solve any problems they have, but alone they will simply die out.
Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon as loneliness is understandable. We feel lonely because we make ourselves like this – we are alienated, we move away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting about the need to fit into the society around us, noticing other people in it and becoming visible. And we will never be comfortable as long as we are objectively alone, until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also part of the society in which we live, and preferably, and part of all of humanity. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially when we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love.
However, if we receive too much attention from other people, we inevitably start to neglect them, we begin to choose – with whom we are interested and profitable to communicate, and with whom not. If you have no friends, no suitable partner – you will certainly feel lonely. But it is possible, friends, that you yourself, too, at the moment someone does not notice who notices you. Think about it.
There is a positive side to loneliness, however, – it is privacy. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can conduct a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can reflect, read books, do some favorite things and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but grace, however, in moderate quantities, for as already mentioned above – in contacts with people and their attention to us, we all need. But to a certain extent, we all need to be alone, it is another thing that because of this we should not be closed from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, loner, closed in people. And this will not benefit us, be sure.
Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people communicating with yourself, it will not save you from loneliness. Complement communication with people communicating with them – complement, but do not replace it with them, live a full life – look for a suitable interlocutors and communicate with them.
But back with you to the negative side of loneliness, after all, for most people, loneliness is a problem, not a good thing, which they somehow need to solve, so as not to suffer because of it. And how can it be solved? First, friends, we need to find out what's causing this problem. Pay attention to your lifestyle and your attitude to other people. If you lead an alienated way of life, if you are isolated from other people for some reason, then you need to correct this situation-you need to go out to people to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of what you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to distance yourself from them or them to distance yourself from you, then you definitely need to work on your manner of communication.